Damn Love
by Pink Delusion
Summary: Note to self – Kill Zechs Merquise after I’ve married his sister (I need someone to walk her down the aisle). 1xR Warnings: demented romance and slightly warped Heero Humor
1. To Be

**Damn Love **

**Chapter One**

She was standing, slender fingers folded together. A slight smile was evident on her face. And though it was plastered there, it was still beautiful. There was no denying her attractiveness – as simple as it was. 

I felt weight upon my shoulder, the light touch of a hand. I knew before looking up that it was Maxwell's. Turning in the plush pink chair, I noticed that he was also enwrapped in other thoughts. We were two men, staring at nothing that was something. 

I tried not to notice him, but he patted my shoulder in some sort of false comfort. I knew he had his eye on what was mine. Though I could not bear the thought, I suppressed the want to kill him on the spot – there was always time for that sort of thing later.

Besides, tonight was her night – not mine. Stealing the show by killing the smart-ass American would not, by any chance, increase her liking of me – though I seriously doubted her affection could reach a higher level. She loved me – I knew. I wasn't as clueless as some might have thought me. I only acted under the pretense so their pressures would not hinder me. Maxwell knew better, though. He always seemed to know everything I didn't want him to.

"The council would just like to thank the Vice Foreign Minister for attending. We are honored at your presence, Ms. Darlain." Said the man standing at the podium. The Parents for Peace organization had been working for weeks on the bash – and it was over. I'd had to deal with an over-stressed, under-nourished Relena for nearly a month. At least I had the comfort of knowing that it was finally done with.

There was immense clapping, and Relena bowed her head slightly. Humble as usual towards the people's great love for her. If she had wanted, she could have been Prime Minister, but she had refused the job – saying peace and the cultivating her father's work was her true calling.

It was no matter to me – I couldn't care more whether she was a politician or a plumber. She was Relena and that was what mattered. Not that I told her so. On the contrary, I would sneer at her insane aspirations of peace and love. Some people said that I always covered up my emotions, but I didn't. I just saved them for later. Not unlike my growing urge to decapitate Duo.

The people stopped their applause and Relena retired to her seat at the head table. Satisfied at myself for helping mold the majestic leader, I looked towards my own associates. The infernal American was standing behind me, but Quatre, Trowa and Wufei were sitting in their seats. Quatre was smiling happily, and the other two were doing their best to look content. We had all been invited to the party with the Vice Foreign Minister, though no doubt we weren't exactly received warmly. Our invitation was probably the result of Relena's insistence.

"Hey, what's with the frown, princess?"

Came a voice only recognizable as Duo's. I noticed the blonde making her way next to us, walking at a slow, elegant pace. However, the baka was right – she was upset. That did not excuse his impertinent name for the Vice Foreign Minister. Him and his idiotic names for people – obviously he hadn't read the papers in a while – Relena wasn't a princess.

"Oh, it's nothing, Duo. I'm just a little tired from all the night's excitement. I think I'll withdraw in an hour or so." She said, fixing her jaw to stifle a yawn. I noticed these things that no one else did – how she was feeling, her thoughts, moods, and details. It was strange how much I observed her and yet never understood her.

"But the night's still young! Come one, ya gotta let me have a dance!" he said exuberantly, nearly knocking her over in his enthusiasm. I could tell she would have much rather just sit, but she agreed anyway.

You would think that at a formal political engagement, that the boy would have a little more sense than usual – but he didn't. That was apparent from his inane bopping about the place. I thought I saw Ms. Relena wince a few times before she coaxed Duo into a more civilized dance. On the other hand, it was his natural charm and charisma that made her laugh. I never had any of that, in fact, I doubted if the word giggle had been in my vocabulary. You really couldn't help but hate that guy.

"Heero?" asked someone. The voice was familiar enough to pull me back to reality. Sometimes I wish there wasn't such a thing, and then I could be at peace in my own mind. But the chances of such a thing were less than slim to none. And chance is rarely, if never on my side.

I rotated my head slowly, dreading whatever had made me turn away from the beautiful sight. A golden-haired boy was looking at me expectantly; no doubt I had missed something directed at me. 

"Sorry." I muttered, even though I did not remember my brain issuing the command to say so.

Quatre looked at me, half surprised – half enthusiastic at my comment. He shook his comrade's arm, and his great aquamarine eyes widened. It was a lot like watching a little child being told he could have ice cream for breakfast. 

"Did you hear him, Trowa?" he asked the brunette excitedly. It was as if I were some sort of mute and had just spoken my first words. God, I can't stand that kind of thing. It's not that I don't talk – or that I'm a Neanderthal who only grunts. You just have to listen closely – you'll see that I can be somewhat talkative, only when I'm in the mood, though.

Now Trowa – he's the silent one. It was still strange to me how the most talkative of the group could fall for the most quiet. Not that he had made his feeling known or anything. But I'm a wall – people tell me everything because they know I won't say a word to anyone else. Yeah, me – Mr. Perfect Companion.

Trowa seemed in his usual unabashed stated, and so the matter was, thankfully, pushed no further. However, a certain Chinese male seemed to find my scowl somewhat amusing. Did I mention that they were serving champagne? Or the fact that Wufei has a low tolerance for alcohol? I guess I should have.

Now, when Mr. Chang has a an excessive amount f liquor, which he was coming close to, he tends to get a little on the tipsy side. He doesn't get aggressive or quiet – he gets stupid. I often wondered what it would be like if I ever got drunk – only I'm not mentally challenged enough to do something that stupid for the sake of an experiment.

Anyway, he was looking at me in a way that I wasn't too comfortable with. I like my personal space – Maxwell once made me sign saying "Do ** Not** Look At Me – I Am Volatile." Wufei, as I learned, was not let in on the joke – or he would have stopped staring at me the second I let a growl escape my lips.

When I was about to exterminate those appalling dark eyes that were staring at me – I noticed the music slow to a stop. The dance had ended. But not for long, as I was about to see.

Slender fingers wrapped around my arm and I was about to whip out the small handgun from inside my jacket, but I recognized a twinkling laugh in my ear. I watched her – trying to look as horrified as possible when she pulled me onto the dance floor.

I have two right feet. Feet that were meant for traipsing and infiltrating military bases – not for waltzing. On the other hand, I have been trained in several intricate dance steps including tango, meringue, salsa, waltz, fox trot, swing, and several different promenades. Not to mention the Charleston Reel – which I pride myself on.

I still hate it, though. Dancing, I mean. The few times I've danced with Relena, I have remained silent and rigid, and I didn't dare talk to her for a week afterwards. She knew I detested this, so why was she making me?

Some might say that the best way to solve the situation was to walk away – but I could never embarrass her in that way. I just couldn't. Damn love. 

_Story dedicated to my dear friend Katie, whose sisterly love has never been damned._

** Author's Note- ***sigh*I have finally finished the first chapter! Pretty uneventful, but things heat up in the next chapter, so stay with me. I thought it appropriate to post on Valentine's weekend seeing as there is quite a bit of romance in this fic. Hope you like and will join me next time for the second chapter! 

Standard disclaimers apply to all chapters of this story.

How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Then please send a review and let me know!


	2. To Dance

Damn Love Chapter Two 

I gazed over her shoulder – trying to avoid any sort of eye contact possible.  It was all I could do from running away.  According all the psychoanalysts that I have seen on Relena's orders - I suppress my emotions, and that is why I don't sleep on a regular basis.  They also said that because I'm rather orderly, that I'm stuck in my days as a toddler. Personally, I don't remember cocking a gun at two years old.  But that's just me.

            Trying my best not to react to anything that was going on around me – though I could feel the stares of quite a few people around me.  Most of them were coming from the table in the back of the room seated with four prying guys.  They had it in for me – especially the braided one – the damn baka. He was smiling like a hyena, even though I knew he was cringing inside.  It's not my fault he loves Relena.

            My embarrassment had turned to anger very easily.  Did I mention I hate to dance? I will again, then. I hate dancing.  I can still remember the night of that party – the night I discovered that I could talk all I wanted, but I would never kill Relena Darlain.  I remember giving into her and dancing.  That was the only time I've actually semi-enjoyed waltzing.  Surprisingly, we were waltzing now.  Was this world just full of coincidences?

            "Heero, don't be so tense."

            She whispered in my ear, her warm breath upon my neck.  I have tried to kill myself numerous times, but now was looking like the best time. My world was falling in a downward spiral – I wasn't in control anymore.  

            I don't give up without a fight, though. "I will be as tense as I want." I said, reassuring all suspicions that I hated her. Only, I didn't. I hated my love for her.

            I felt the eyes of all those people boring into me now.  In fact, I felt like the whole room was staring at us.  It's not like they hadn't seen us together before, or we were making some sort of spectacle of ourselves.  It was just still odd for them.  It was still strange for me.

            A pacifist just doesn't date or fall in love with a war-hungry, inhuman monster.  Sure, we had saved all of their asses during the wars, but I was still an outsider.  I didn't fit the mold of society – not that I minded, I like my independence. 

            "Hey, buddy, give a guy a dance with a girl as pretty as the princess." Called a voice from behind us.  I gladly took my hand from its spot on Relena's back and turned to face Duo.  for once, I was glad that he loved Relena – now was my chance to escape.  However, I was still puzzled – even Duo knew better than to break into a dance – its when I'm most "volatile".  

            When I turned to face the people of the room, I noticed that the music had mysteriously changed tempo.  Was it me or weren't we waltzing just a second ago? The couples on the floor were doing something that oddly resembled the jitterbug.  How long had we been dancing?

            I made my way back to the table in the corner of the room – a secluded place for secluded ponderings. Inhabitants of the hall followed me with their heads and then turned back to watch Relena and her new partner on the dance floor.  Never before had I been so thankful for being discreet – even if I do have a habit of sticking out in the crowd and then disappearing.  My specialty, thank you.

            Quatre was the first to speak, "Gosh, Heero, I never knew you liked to dance so much.  I mean you and Ms. Relena were on the floor for nearly five songs.  We were getting worried."

            I kept my usual cool stance and said nothing.  See, this is where people get the idea that I have no verbal skills.  I have all skills – I can do anything.  I chose not use that particular one at the time, and sat down in that disgustingly pink chair. 

            With the lights flashing in my face, I had a thought.  _This is the difference between me and Relena – I see the world in red and she's sees it in pink._ Insane as I may have thought it was – my notion was not incorrect.  Her rose-tinted glasses kept her from seeing all the blatant evil that I was always rescuing her from.  And somehow, I just didn't think there was such a thing as peace and happiness, and until that night – love.

            Wufei was staring at me again – and I swear Relena wasn't there anymore to protect him.  My soldier's mind was reeling with plans on how to rip out the Chinese boy's eyes without him screaming and alarming Relena.  What was up with him? 

            I looked down at my shirt and then patted my hair – making sure that I just didn't spill something.  But I knew I didn't – I don't spill anything, I have perfect balance.  So what was so interesting about me that he couldn't stop looking at me? I listened as intently as I could, but I heard no one behind me.  He was definitely staring at me.  

            "Heero – would you mind taking me back home? I'm feeling a bit dizzy."

            I could tell her angelic voice from anywhere.  Why was she asking _me_ to take her back home? Not that I wanted to stay any longer at the stupid party, but still.  I'd probably made a totally ass out of us – and now she was asking me to take her home.  Doesn't that sound very conspicuous? But what could I say? 

            "Fine." Typically monotonous.  

            "I'll just get my coat." She said, cerulean eyes twinkling.  She pivoted gracefully on her tiptoes and I could have sworn there was a smile upon her face.  She was just so beautiful I had to gaze at her once more.

            I was dragged back into the insane fantasy people call reality by the laughing of my comrades.  I glared at them like death and got Quatre to quiver.  Trowa just stopped suddenly – I don't think I'd ever truly heard him laugh.  Wufei didn't need a good glare - he was giving me one of his own.  It really had to make me wonder – what was going on with him? 

            "Hey, buddy," called Maxwell, who was sitting across from me at the table, "Remember – no sex before marriage."  He winked, evidently in need to cause me more pain than I was already feeling. Once again, the urge to decapitate the American was fueled.  Didn't he now his life was in danger?

            "Are you going home?" I asked.

            "I think we will – this party's Dullsville.  Besides, while you're out the double fudge ice cream is all mine." Said Duo, that hyena smile appearing once again.  _He better not eat all of it – I really don't like blood on my carpet._

            "I'm ready, Heero." She said, poking me with her perfectly manicured hands.  Relena lived only a few blocks away from the apartment building where all of us lived.  She stayed in the political district at Zechs' insistence – wouldn't want his fake sister to be killed.  It was funny how she'd been denounced as princess and still lived like royalty.

            "Let's go." I said and then gave one last round of glares to the table of boys lest they let out some stupid giggle.  I spotted Duo wink and made a point of touching my handgun.  He got the message, but was still smiling like a fool. I decided to ignore him.

            It was so strange how I hated Maxwell's smile, but the second I got way of Relena's, the world just seemed to different.  My mind cleared and I felt a certain calm.  I hated that feeling almost as much as I hated love.

            "What's wrong, Heero?" Relena asked, practically the second we got into the car.  She shifted in her seat to face me, but I didn't react.  Her eyes scanned my exterior, looking for a place where she could pierce into me and see my heart.  I couldn't let that happen.

            "Tired."

            She laughed; it was like bells tinkling together.  "Perfect soldiers don't get tired." As much as I resented the comment – she was right. I wasn't tired – I'm never tired.  I don't know if it was the mention of my physical abilities or frightening memories of a dead childhood, but I just wanted to drive as fast as I could.

            She sensed my distress and said, "I'm sorry, Heero, I didn't mean it in a bad way. I really am sorry."  Since I didn't let me features gentle, she turned to look outside of her window glumly.

            "I know you're sorry." I said.  I had said sorry twice today.  My stats weren't looking too good.  All I wanted was to go home – get this night over with.  Tomorrow I could go into work and everything would be normal again.  I don't like irregularity.

            We sat in silence for quite some time until I finally pulled up to her Victorian styles house.  I had never been inside, but from the look of the outside – it had to be very expensive.  

            Unlocking the doors, I waited for her to get out of my car.  She didn't, though.  Did she expect me to get the door for her? _I'm no servant of hers._ Where was Pagan anyways? _Just go home – then I can go back to being in control of these emotions._

            "I told Pagan to take the night off," she started after looking over at me, "do you want to come in?" I could tell she was nervous – her heart was palpitating at a rapid pace and she sputtered out the words as fast as she could.  

            She noticed my indecisiveness and made a move to cover her embarrassment, "I was think that you could help secure my house – Zechs said you could do it tomorrow, but since you're here…" she trailed off, a puppy-dog expression on her delicate features.  She was pleading with me – I didn't have a choice.  

            **A/N- **I'm afraid that this is another short chapter, but I have to do this horrible thing about the Catcher in the Rye and it's taking forever.  I realize that Heero is rather OOC, and I'm afraid that his un-characterization grows throughout the story, but so does his emotions and feelings.  And I mean, how do we _really_ know what's going on in that cute head of his? Seriously. Well, hope you are enjoying reading as much as I enjoy writing!

How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Then send a review and let me know!


	3. To Comfort

Damn Love 

**Chapter Three**

            Walking into her house, I finally got a taste of how richly she did live.  The entire house flashed of ancient silver and plush pink.  She was quite the interior decorator.  I stood in the doorway, still not wanting to enter the house, fear being quelled in my heart.  

            She took off her coat and hung it in the closet.  Even the goddamn closets were luxuriant.   I followed suit and hung up my own coat begrudgingly – I didn't want to leave my gun in a closet – I might just need it.  But remembering the detonator in my shoe, I felt just a little more comfortable – I don't go anywhere without firearms, I feel naked without them.

            "You want something to drink?" she called from the kitchen, "I don't have much, but I think Milliardo left some scotch here last time he came."

            "Just water." I replied.  I don't drink alcohol for fear of ending up like Wufei.  However, I didn't need scotch to get myself intoxicated.  Just the hint of her flowing blonde hair and slim body was enough.

            Once I had decided that the black cat sitting on her couch was my latest mortal enemy – I sat down across from it.  It stared at me with these giant green eyes that were slitted and looked creepy.  I stared back, but couldn't make the ball of fur blink – I had finally found a worthy adversary for a staring contest.  

            However, Relena entered the room at that very moment, and I looked up towards her.  She raised her eyebrow and smiled.  I had lost a staring contest to a cat.  That sounds really sad, come to think of it.  I didn't care, though – that cat played dirty.

            She handed me a glass of water, but said nothing.  She seemed to be hinting at something, but I wasn't sure what.  Was I supposed to say something? While I happen to be well adversed in etiquette, I don't know what to say in the uncomfortable silences.  So I grabbed at the nearest rope and went with a safe question.

            "Are you okay?"

            She smiled glumly and began to talk.  "Well, no.  Heero…its just that lately, you know, since all that hype about the princess thing, well I don't know what to do.  I mean, I don't know where to go – and I just don't know what to think or how to act or what to say.  See, Milliardo has always been my older brother, but now that we're not as related as we thought I don't know how to talk to him, so I don't know how to talk to Noin.  It's all just so confusing.  Oh, Heero, I don't know what to do."

            She was talking at such a rapid pace, and I was trying my best to listen – being the wall again.  But then she started to break down and cry and I didn't know what to do either.  Should I comfort her or maybe I should just leave her alone.  _Why can't I live a normal, Relena-free life? Love. Who the hell invented it, anyway?  _Right then, the small, cramped apartment full of four other moody boys didn't sound so bad.

            Through her tears, she gazed up at me and started to wipe away a few stray drops on her cheek and nose.  She looked so lovely at that moment – red eyes and a slight sniffle.  She didn't look like an illegitimate princess or a stately diplomat.  She just looked like Relena.  I'd never seen such beauty in my life.

            Timidly, I chanced physical contact, and placed my hand on hers.  Her entire body seemed to slacken and I could see she was, once again, stifling a yawn.  I couldn't blame her, though.  We'd been through a lot the last few weeks with the preparations for the dinner – and looking at the clock resting upon the mantle, I noted that it was nearing eleven o'clock.

            "You should go to sleep." I said. _Great, her former head of security and bodyguard, her technical analyst, her knight-in-shining-armor, and now I'm her nanny.  I am definitely a man of many talents._

            "Okay." She mumbled and then added, "I'm sorry you had to listen to me babble and all.  I've just been under a lot of stress lately.  I hope I didn't ruin your evening."

            Now she was starting to get on my nerves.  I can't stand it when people blame themselves for things they didn't do.  She sounded like Quatre.  I know that may be really hypocritical since I blame myself for mission failures, but that's a different story.

            Relena got up from the couch and grabbed the glaring cat.  I eyed it suspiciously.  _I bet it's gloating in its miniscule brain – that was unfair playing.  I'll get you next time, glaring Cat._

            "Heero, this is Jerry.  I'm sure you two will get along fine – just as long as you don't touch him – he doesn't like being touched." 

            "Isn't Jerry the mouse?" I asked, but I don't think she heard.  I don't like that either – people giving animals a human name.  It just doesn't sound right.  And how was I to know that this cat wasn't some sort of Russian spy? The Russians _were_ the first ones to put a monkey in space, after all.

            I followed her upstairs.  Why? I don't know.  I guess I felt some sort of responsibility to make sure she got to sleep fine since I suggested she do so.  I don't know if that's what all guys do or not, but it felt like the right thing.

            Like I said, I don't like uncomfortable silences, so I was compelled to speak, but I couldn't.  then my mind started to swirl with doubts.  Where was I going? Really, you don't go into a girl's room unless she invites you or you want a little something.  What was I thinking? 

            "Sleep…well.  I'll see myself out."  What else could I say? While I was at it, why not confess my true, animalistic feelings for her? Because I can't.  

            "Good night, Heero." She said, pushing a few stray locks behind her ear, "And thank you.  You mean a lot to me."

            Without looking back, I walked to the door and out to my car.  I was nearly running.  _You mean a lot to me._ She hadn't said that my friendship for hear-skills meant a lot to her – just me.  Girls should know that that sort of thing can make a guy's had blow to unreasonable proportions.  

            I didn't realize that I'd left my coat in the luxurious closet until I was already speeding away to my apartment.  Technically, it's not really all mine, since it's a dual ownership with Duo ever since Hilde moved out.  Let's just say that I don't blame the girl.  I could probably go to court and try to claim it as mine since I'm the _only_ one who seems to know realize the rent needs paying every month.

            I heard the midnight bells chiming in the distance, reminding me of that twinkling laugh that Relena has.  It seemed like wherever I went – she was there – a constant reminder of the prohibited emotions that were beginning to grow.  

            The streets were pretty clear, leaving me plenty of room to speed.  I should have been more careful, seeing as, though already nineteen, I didn't have a formal license – I had just never bothered with things regular citizens do.  Besides, I always had a grenade handy.  And Relena thinks peace is the way to get things done.

            Before I knew it, I was walking to my home, empty-handed and nothing to say for myself.  I have been through many stranger and more uncomfortable situations, but I have never had to answer to Maxwell after them.

            "So, whadcha do? Why you home so early? Come one, I love dirty little secrets." I was immediately bombarded with questions from the obtrusive brunette.  

            I'd had a bad night – a very bad night.  Then, I realized that maybe some of those shrinks are right – I shouldn't harbor anger. So I took it out on Duo.

            "What the hell was that for, kid?"

"If you know what's best for you – you won't call me that again." I said, trying to be as icy and distant as possible – I didn't have to try all that hard.  I knew that in a few moments the raw, cherry mark on his face would turn a deep violet – leaving all the blame for me to take.

But he responded with his usual casualness, only he was rubbing his face, "You're joking again aren't ya, kid?"  My mind had almost coerced my body into slugging him again, but, what I like to refer to as my gentle side, got the best of me.

            Instead, I took out the detonator from my shoe, thanking my good memory for reminding me of its presence, and placed my thumb millimeters from the detonation button.  Duo was starting to look rather nervous.

"Always thought you had a good sense of humor.  I wonder why people never see that." He said, and I noticed small beads of sweat forming on his brow.  It's always wonderful to know that I can still scare some people.

            "I'm going to sleep." 

            "Sleep's good. Wouldn't want to look ugly for the princess." Obviously the boy just didn't get it.  YOU MESS WITH ME AND I KILL YOU.  I would have said that, but it wasn't worth the breath.  He'd probably just tattle to Relena anyways.

            "And Heero buddy, would you mind picking up some of that double fudge ice cream? We're all out."  He called as I walked into my room to gain a restful night's sleep.  I had just bought an entire carton the day before.  He had eaten my ice cream.

            There are two things that I am protective of in this world – my woman and my ice cream.  Apparently, Duo was trying to take both away from me – not the smartest move in the book.  Needless to say, Duo went to sleep with a black eye and I went to sleep much more refreshed.

            **A/N- **I know, not all that romantic, but I'm afraid it'll have to do for now.  Heero is just so wonderful – I don't know what I'd do without him. Question: is the word 'adversed' a word? I was just wondering because I swear I've heard it amillion times, but my dictionary disagrees. Well, I won't worry my pretty head about such matters. Goodnight and adieu! 

            How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Than review and let me know!


	4. To Torment

Damn Love 

**Chapter Four**

            Waiting outside the large office, I shifted in my seat.  This wait was becoming quite uncomfortable – obviously people like to try and see if they can make me suffer.  Don't get me wrong – I feel pain, just dulled – and it's a rare occasion if I let the bastard who inflicted it get the best of me.  These times are the best for laughing – then people _really_ think that you're insane.  Like I care. 

            After suppressing the craving to chuckle in my own malicious way, the secretary's telephone rang.  The redhead looked annoyed that her boss was interrupting her third latte, but she picked up the telephone and sighed. 

            "Yes, Mr. Peacecraft.  I'll let him in.  No, I haven't had enough caffeine.  That was a joke? You're a regular riot, Mr. P," she said, her jovial tone contrasting with the scowl that had a strange similarity to my own.  With a flick of her hair, she went back to whatever work she had been doing.

            I'm not usually one to intrude – but why hadn't she told me I could go in yet? I watched her for another five minutes, but there was still no reaction from her.  Was I supposed to just go in? This was driving me mad.

            "You can go in now." She said. _Finally._

            I walked to the door to find that it was locked.  Maybe the world is full of coincidences – or maybe someone's just out to get me.  I think the second theory is much more probable.

            "Oh, yeah, here." She handed me the keys and went back to her work.  Don't people in this office know anything? Was not my distressed look making them want to help me? I'll admit that my 'distressed-look' often includes squinted eyes, a straight jaw, and my regular scowl – but it was the closest thing I could come to helplessness. Evidently people don't know how to read body language.

            I put the key inside the lock, turned, and then pushed the door open, only to find that…the door wouldn't open.  This was making me frustrated.  Very frustrated.  When I get frustrated, I get volatile.  You don't want to see me volatile.

            So, instead of taking the rational way out, I took my gun out.  Filling the door's lock with about five slugs, I felt much more satisfied – and the door opened for me.  _Who says violence doesn't solve problems?_

            "Hello, Yuy." Said the person from inside of the room, which was only recognizable as Zechs'.  People have this obsession with my last name – I know that its nice and all, but I like my first name better – and, well, its not _really_ mine. 

            "Hello." I said upon _finally_ entering the room.  There was Zechs, wearing his usual unsightly uniform and fiddling with a small paperweight.  I also observed Noin, looking distraught and rather down.  I wondered what had been going on.

            "You are not suitable enough to date my sister."

            He didn't even wait for me to close the door, which was looking rather mangled at the moment.  I noticed that nosy secretary peeking up from her magazine and into the room.  I should probably have told Ambassador Peacecraft that his secretary happened to work for the International Enquirer – but since he was being mean, I decided I would tell him once all his state secrets are out.  God was I ticked.

            And what right did he have to say that I couldn't date Relena? And what input did he have in her life, anyway? He was just the dense half-brother.  And who **_said_** I wanted to date Relena in the first place? Not me – not out loud at least. 

            "It took you a whole seven minutes to use physical force," he said.  I truly couldn't tell if he was being serious or sarcastic.  Note to self – kill Zechs Merquise after I've married his sister (I need someone to walk her down the aisle).  "What if Relena had been taken by a terrorist? Would it take you that long to react?"

            What? Was that whole ordeal some goddamn test? Told you someone was out to get me.

            Noin looked up at me with her sorrowful indigo eyes and said, "I'm sorry, Heero. What Zechs meant to say was that he is a little reserved about you taking Relena home yesterday," she started, sending her own reproachful looking in her fiancé's direction, "and since we're leaving the country for our honeymoon, we just want to make sure Relena's will be safe while we're gone."  Noin walked across the room and scowled at the attractive secretary before closing the door.  Oh I could start a whole other story from there, but I won't.

            I stared blankly.  How, in the whole solar system, did they ever live together? Not that I should really talk due to my contradictory love for Relena.  I guess that just show things can work out between opposites.  Okay, so they've known each other for forever, and they actually understand each other.  Give me a well-needed break, okay?

            "And what Zechs is also trying to say is-"

            "That if you harm, maim, hurt, or otherwise touch my sister while I'm gone-"

            "He is intrusting you with Relena's care.  We're only a call away." Said Lucrezia as calmly as possible.  Remembering that if I killed the Ambassador on the spot, that I'd have to answer to Relena – I just nodded.  How did they expect me to react? They'd been planning their wedding for nearly five years now.  The only question I had was – who was going to take on the role of Ambassador while Zechs was gone? So I found my voice box and asked.

            "Who's going to be the Ambassador when you're gone?"

            The happy couple looked at each other and shared one of those glances that only people in love share, and then looked at me. "I was thinking to give the job to Sally or Dorothy." Zechs responded.

            "Don't you remember, dear? Sally has her own medical practice now – you can't possibly ask her to give up her job for two weeks just because we're going on our honeymoon." Said Noin.  I don't think I've ever seen someone other than Relena call the ex-soldier an affectionate name.  You might say it was hilarious.  Too bad all I have is a maniac laugh – it would have been a good opportunity to kill Zechs' pride.

            "Well I can't give it to that crazy blonde – she'd probably have all the diplomats assassinated so she can start another bloody war."

            "Don't get upset with me, Zechs.  It's not my fault.  Why don't you just give it to someone light-hearted if you can't stand girls who know how to fight." Said Noin, eyeing him with a 'you'll sleep on the couch if you don't shut up' look.  

            "Why don't you just get Relena to do it?"

            Zechs' eyes sparked with anger.  Oops, see, this is why I don't like to talk – it always gets me into trouble. "Relena is illegitimate," he said slowly, taking great care to choose his words, "According to the Constitution of the most high Kingdom of Cinq, she cannot govern on any basis."

            "But she's your half-sister."

            "I know that." He snapped, "But just because she has the royal blood of our mother in her, doesn't mean she is royal."

            Though I'm not easily intimidated, I decided to back this one down.  I knew it was a touchy subject for everyone since the letters of Mrs. Peacecraft and Mr. Darlain had been discovered.  Let's just say they weren't all business.

            "Oh really, Zechs, why not Dorothy?"

            "Because she's a goddamn psychopath – I can't have her blow up the world!"

            I could tell that they were getting nowhere and I was getting bored. _If this is how real love is supposed to be – I want nothing to do with it._  But, of course, love just happens to be kind of haphazard, leaving me on the wonderfully humble setting of awe.  

            While Noin screamed, and Zechs tried to play her off as a little girl, I tried to worm my way out of the room.  Making sure all exits were accessible, I decided that the best course of action was just to leave.  My plan would have worked dandily if it hadn't been for that notorious girl, who, in the safety of my mind, I refer to as my love. 

            "Oh, Heero what on Earth are you doing here?" she said and then began to giggle.  

            Okay, so I'm not that good with jokes, and sometimes I'm a little slow, but I seriously didn't understand what the heck she was laughing about.  So, as to hide from anything that might lead me down the path of 'I didn't mean to say that', I said nothing. 

            "Heero…don't you get it? Earth? Heero we're not on Earth.  Get it?" she said.  I was thoroughly confused, but the second she smiled at my mystification, I was lost once again – this time in her eyes.  If only I wasn't so human.  Then things like that wouldn't happen.  I could live out my life in perfect monotony.  I have no problem with that whatsoever.  

            Granted, I did understand on some level and managed to make my lip twitch.  It was the best I could do. I think she understood, though, since she smiled brighter and patted me on the arm.  And while I know that I have perfect biceps, my personal space is my life.

            "You may not understand me Heero – but I think that you will someday."  This coming from the woman that thinks I hang around her just because I have to.  If I were a humorous person, I would have laughed, confessed my true feelings, and then kissed Relena into oblivion.  But I, in no way, pull off the humorous note.  Stupid stuff like that is left to imbeciles (*cough*Maxwell*cough*).

            "Why _are _you here?"

            At the moment, I didn't really know.  I'd just gotten a call from Ambassador Peacecraft's office saying that he needed to speak to me.  But now that that was done, why was I still there? Because Relena was there.  And what do I do? Whatever Relena does.  Only I try to be a little inconspicuous, lest she, even offhandedly, think that I have some sort of feelings for her. Too bad I do.

            "Oh, Relena why didn't you tell us you were here?" asked Noin, finally taking her eyes off Zechs long enough to give the honey-blonde a gracious smile.  I knew my stay was beyond its welcome, but I was just a little on the curious side.  Besides, I have a tendency to blend – it's that wall thing again.

            "Relena, you have good judgment – who do you think should taken on the esteemed role of Ambassador to the United Colonies, from Earth's Senate?" asked Milliardo, "You see, me and Noin are having a bit of a disagreement.  If you could just clear things up, it would be most appreciated.  Besides, the entire solar system trusts your reasoning."

            I swear on a stack of Bibles I knew what was coming before she even said it – I almost have a sixth sense like that.  Only, I didn't want it to be true.  I would have done anything in that millisecond to keep her from saying those two words, but I felt a wave of helplessness crash upon me.  Damn love.

            "Heero Yuy."

            **A/N-** a wee bit on the short side, but all I could muster from two hours of Physics and Calculus.  What a strange turn this story has taken.  In fact, I'm not sure I really like it.  Why I wrote it- the world will probably never know.  And yes, Relena's attempt at a joke was very corny, but just the fact that they really don't know how amusing they are, is amusing in itself.  Hope you enjoyed! 

            Okay, I understand this is a little on the confusing side, but lets take it step by step.  If you go through all the chapters, I make note that Relena is not a princess.  In mine own personally opinion, she looks nothing like Mr. Peacecraft Sr. and looks a whole lot like Mr. Darlain.  Second, in earlier chapters I made mention that it had already become public.  I guess I didn't make that too clear – but its what I meant.  "…obviously he hasn't read the papers in a while – Relena wasn't a princess anymore."  Mistakes are human, and I have made one, which is why I am trying to clear it up – can you see the sunshine now? Ah yes, beautiful, simple love – not drama.  Thank you twice a trillion for your time.

            How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Then please send a review and let me know!


	5. To Respect

Damn Love 

**Chapter Five**

            I think that was the first time in my life I'd actually been sick. I mean _really_ sick. And you know what – I didn't like it. Not one bit.  I remember faking it as a kid, just to get my many different guardians to blow their tops, but none of it was real.  This, however, was _very_ real.

            "Stop fussing, Heero." She said.  Which was rather funny in itself seeing as I had willed my body to remain as rigid as possible.  Was she making one of those sardonic jokes? Or was it sarcastic? I could never tell the difference.

            "Now drink this and it'll all be better." She said, patting my head like I was some five year old.  Did she not know that I would not figure the clear substance to be none other than dihydrogen oxide?   I once read a position paper on the dangers of dihydrogen oxide and why I shouldn't drink it.  However, since it happens to be necessary for life, I thought that it might be practical to follow her megalomaniacal orders. 

            "Now sip it, nice and easy." She said, once again ruining my silence, which everyone knows is only for fuming.  I was getting aggravated – very aggravated.  In fact, I was near my breaking point.  I growled when she tried to help me tip my cup so I could drink it – _I am **not **a child._  I guess I felt regressed since I've always been able to take care of myself.  That and I don't like people touching me.  I know, I'll make a wonderful husband.

            Anyway, I was still mad at Relena for nominating me for that stupid job.  Like I want to attend stupid meetings about peace.  For God's sake, I'm a soldier, not a conscientious objector.  It's not my fault no one understands me.

            "If you don't stop touching me you will have no fingers in ten seconds." I avowed.  

            "And you stop with the threats, Heero.  That got old the second time you stated that you would "destroy" me."

            Don't you just hate it when no one takes you seriously? I know I do.  She was practically goading me on – didn't she know I could kill her in a second flat?  Just because I love her doesn't mean I wasn't going to kill her.  I'm not that soft.

            Groping for my gun, I realized that it wasn't there.  Had she taken my gun?  She must have been asking for a real death sentence.

            "Where is my gun?"  
  


            "I don't know Heero.  But you should stop carrying that thing around – you could hurt someone."  

            Let's go over something really quick.  Purpose of Gun = to hurt people.  Was she out of her freaking mind? I know she likes peace – I don't really mind it either.  But separate a warrior from his weapon and you can end up with an unstable person.

            She looked down at me with sad eyes, almost pleading.  Instantly my violent thoughts dissipated once more.  I hate when that happens.  The worst part is the fact that it makes me want to hurt her more – knowing that she can control me like that.  I'm a torn man.

            "Looking for this, Yuy?" said that pathetic attempt at a man.  Seriously – with all that long hair you'd think he was a girl.  But I couldn't do anything – he had my gun in his hands.  Not to mention the fact that Relena was there.  I wonder – if I had injured Zechs – whose side would Relena take?  

            _Not now.  Focus. Focus faster._  **Tally --** no weapons, love of my life present, evil prince/half-brother present, sick knight-in-shining-armor present.  You'd think I took this straight out of a fairytale.

            Strangely, Zechs handed me my gun.  Which ended my demented attempt at make-believe. 

            "You'll meet the President tomorrow at eight o'clock.  Don't be late.  And bring my sister with you.  She can help you."  He said and promptly walked out of my room. Confused? Very much so.

                        I looked at Relena for answers.  She was smiling brightly and her chest was puffed out as if she was proud.  Proud of what? I know she loves her brother, but really – all he did was hand me my own gun – where's the greatness in that?

            "I'll have Pagan pick you up at seven." She said, "Oh Heero, I'm so glad Milliardo is letting you take the Ambassador's position!"

            _No, no, no, no.  I did not sign up for that.  Relena just made a stupid suggestion.  I never said 'yes'! _

            "I can't believe he actually let you.  I bet Luce had something to do with it – I'll have to thank her later." She said, and then put her index finger up to her chin as if she was in deep thought. "And I'll have to train you on formal protocol – we only have a week!  I'll have to see you every day for instructions.  Don't worry – you'll get used to it in no time."

            My stricken face wasn't enough to make her realize that I wasn't at all pleased.  However, the prospect of seeing Relena every day for three weeks was comforting.  That didn't stop me from feeling like vomiting again, though.

            "Lay back down, Heero – you're looking awfully pale."

            She tilted her head to the side in a playful manner and gently lowered my back against a bed of pillows.  

            _Wait, this doesn't make any sense.  I can't be the Ambassador._

            "If I can, why can't you?"

            "Can't what?" she asked while folding a blanket.

            "Become an ambassador."

            Her face fell at the mention.  I didn't really know how hard she'd taken the news of her illegitimacy, but I could tell it had hurt.  Running long fingers through her hair, she opened her mouth to explain, but then closed it.  When she finally spoke, I thought I saw a slight layer of liquid in her eyes.  Was she crying?

            "Heero, I'm no longer Respected Relena.  You have to understand – my name is tarnished.  I'm not even allowed to be a citizen.  I know that sounds harsh, but my parents' sins have to be paid for somehow.  I'm not pure, Heero."

            "And I am?"

            "Publicly, yes.  You're sins can be forgiven – mine can't"

            "But they're not yours."

            "It doesn't matter." She said, wiping away a stray tear.  My heart was breaking so bad I though I might actually hug her.  That might make her even more confused, though.  I know what it's like to be lost.

            "At least we'll get to work together.  I'm sure the Vice Foreign Minister will have _something_ to do with the Ambassador of Cinq."  It amazed me how she could go from weeping to grinning so easily.  

            I wanted to ask if she would be all right – if she needed my help.  I couldn't bring myself to, though.  I don't know what the hell was wrong with me, but from that moment, I didn't want to hide my love anymore.  I just wanted to tell her.  

            "I love-" I whispered inaudibly.

            "You should get some rest, Heero.  I've instructed Duo on how to make vegetable soup – so I would expect some burnt water for dinner.  I'll be here in the morning.  Feel better."  She said, and pulled the door to my bedroom closed.  I couldn't believe what had just gone on.  

            I have one question – only one: _how the heck did Zechs know where I live?_ Guess I'll never know.

            Instantly after Relena left, Duo entered my room.

            "Say a word and I'll slowly tear you to pieces."

            "Geez, man.  I was just going to say that I'm almost finished dinner."  He replied and exited the room while shaking his head.

            I could feel the world crashing down upon me.  I had no friends, no love, and no happiness.  Only my sadistic humor was keeping me alive.  And even that was pretty bad.  But it was the only thing I had.           

I don't think there was ever a time when I wanted just to curl up in a hole and wither away into nothing.  I just wanted to cease to exist.

            "Dinner's ready!"

            No need to say more.

            **A/N-** I'm back! And I already miss my New York *sigh* Quite a bit of dialogue in this chapter.  I wasn't in the best of humors.  At least I get to laugh at all you people enjoying the wonders of snow.  Ah, yes 80 degree weather – now I remember why I love California.  Well, I hope I have cleared up anything.   And I just have to say that you reviewers are especially evil.  I mean how is a girl to interpret half the stuff that you write? You guys are particularly ambiguous. I love you anyway, though.  Millions of hugs to you all.  Hope you enjoyed (if you did, then please state clearly, thank you)

**Pink Delusion's Public Service Announcement **(say that twenty times fast)**-** As you may have noticed, there is very little drama in this fic – I'd like to keep it that way, too.  However, if you are looking for a nice Romance/Drama/Angst fic with all the added benefits of a Heero and Relena relationship, check out this really cool fic – 'Cruel Affection' by my sista up in Britian – MoonMyst.  Personally, I haven't sent a review yet, but, being the wonderful beta that I am, I can vouch for its awesomeness.  Happy reading!

How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Then please send a review and let me know!


	6. To Despise

**Damn Love**

**Chapter Six**

            When I had entered the dining room I found a accumulation of eyes peering at me.  To be specific – seven.  Seven questioning, glaring, laughing, and despondent eyes.  What's wrong with people these days? Didn't their mothers teach them that staring is impolite? Well, the fact that none of them _really _had mothers could be used as a pathetic excuse.  And since I was going to be the Ambassador I'm sure I could decree something about manner lessons.  _Yeah, that'd be nice – and I'm sure Relena would like it, too._

            "Congratulations, Heero." That was obviously Quatre.  Who else would say such a thing?  I bet he wishes that he had taken my job, now.  See, the ever-sweet and humble Quatre refused the Ambassador's occupation before Zechs.  But anyone who feared fot eh safety of their life, knew that offering a job to Zechs second.  He was just one of those kids who always had to be at the front of the line in kindergarten. 

            But since Zechs never knew – who was going to be stupid and tell him? Thankfully no one. I doubt their head would ever be able to bend back into a natural position after such an encounter.  Not to mention I'm sure we'd have a lovely lawsuit on our hands if someone had.  And God do I hate going to court.  

            "You going to sit down?" 

            I looked over at Wufei, still with that displeased look squashed onto his face.  What was up his ass this time? This personal vendetta thing was starting to seriously prance on my nerves.

            "Yeah." I muttered. 

            "We're here to celebrate your new position, Heero!  May you serve your job well!" exclaimed Quatre, smiling all the while.  At least then I understood why they were there.  Obviously, some dumbass forgot to inform my colleagues that I happen to be deadly ill.  That and I'm only taking the position for two weeks.  14 days! Just enough time to hand in my resignation.  _I wonder how mad Zechs would be if I handed the job off to Dorothy. _

            "There is no economy in going to bed early to save two candles if the result is twins." Stated Wufei from out of nowhere.  Was that his idea of some sick joke? Or did he really think he was giving me advice? What – don't jump into bed with Relena until I save candles? People can be so confusing.     

            "Umm….why don't we eat? I'm starved!" called Duo as he ran into the kitchen.  Usually I cook.  No, I always cook.  Let's just say I wasn't surprised with the condition of the food.

            I could have sworn I saw Trowa spit a burnt yam into his napkin as his solitary eye's eyebrow shot up in disgust.  I couldn't really blame him – and if I wasn't so used to eating military food, I might have gotten food poisoning like Quatre.

            Yeah, those two left early.  I don't know if the blond made it down the elevator without puking, though.  And what was that moronic roommate of mine doing? Laughing his head off.  Though I do have to admit that in all my years of traveling around the world, I've never seen anyone turn that green.  I also noticed a certain braided baka's dinner consisted of a beer and a bag of Lays.  So he's got some smarts in that head of his.

            What I didn't notice was Wufei, still glaring from his corner.  

            "Virtue becomes a wife – beauty becomes a concubine." He couldn't say anything helpful? Like 'I'll clean the dishes for you' or 'fighting is bad'? So now he was an obsession with my love life. Wonderful.  That makes three guys.  I should really have a sign up sheet, because I don't think I can take more than one at a time.

            "Leave."

            "Those who despise-"

            "Out."

            Needless to say, he left.  Not as quickly as I would have liked, but at least he left.  The only thing left to do was turn off the infernal racket coming from Maxwell's room and I'd be fine.  I didn't know that peace was so hard to keep.  Let's say my respect for my lovely peacekeeper was dramatically heightened. 

            "Relena left her gloves here."

            "I'll give them to her tomorrow."

            "That's okay.  I think I will."

            "You have work."

            "Yeah, but Relena and you aren't gonna be in, so I got the whole floor to myself," he rambled on.  I made note of the fact that I would have to send Trowa in to control the office while I was away.  Hey, I agree with the government on some things – never leave a child unattended.  

Somehow, he managed to fit more hot air into his system and began blabbering on again.

            "And let you get the point? No way!"

            "Point?" I asked, bewildered to say the least.

            "Yeah, you know.  You think just because you're Mr. Ambassador, you got Relena.  Well, I'll tell you something – I'm gonna be back and with more points than ever."  He called even though I was standing practically in front of him.

            "Points?" I was still hopelessly and totally lost.  This thing was starting to make me feel pretty stupid.  He knew something I didn't and I was going to find out at all costs.  Even though it wasn't all that hard to get him to blab his brains out.

            "I get a point for every time Relena:  compliments, congratulates, hugs, touches and/or admits her secret desire for me."

            That made much more sense.  See, if people are just clear in their speech, then life is so much easier.  I seriously couldn't help but grin as I said the following.

            "How many points do I get for taking Relena home, touching her hand, having her congratulate me…. and knowing her cat's name is Jerry."

            Before reacting he asked, "Isn't Jerry the mouse?"

            To him, I'm sure it looked like I was blowing off his question, which was the look I was going for. But in reality, I didn't know the answer. Who _does_ name their cat by a mouse's name? 

            Well, at least I had more points than him.  But now the battle was out in the open.  Meaning, survival of the fittest.  And, though I don't mean to be vain – I _am _the fittest.  Little did I realize that with this newfound system, I would have to vie harder for my dearest love.  

            Some Ritalin in a certain sodapop can wouldn't hurt my standings either.

**            A/N- **I'm not really liking this chapter – but I remind myself that its only a filler.  Just something to connect the next chapters so they don't sound so awkward.  Not my best writing, but I hope to be updating soon. Ummm…been very tired lately, but other than that, I'm not extremely busy.  Thank you to all the wonderful reviewers – you guys make my day! Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoy writing!

            How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Than please review and let me know!


	7. To Feel

Damn Love Chapter Seven 

            For once, I started the morning pretty refreshed. I remember waking without the memory that I was supposed to be meeting the President of the world in an hour.  I don't know how I forgot, but it was quite a surprise when Relena showed up at my door.  And I actually thought she was there just to see me.

            "Relena." I said, using my stoic greeting.

            "Heero." She answered back, smiling up at my face.  It wasn't until she looked down that she saw I was still in my pajamas.  And I was wearing flannel, too.  That can be embarrassing.  "Are you feeling any better?"

            "Recovered.  24 hour flu."

            "Maybe you were just under a lot of stress?" she asked.  I'm sure she was trying to be helpful, and I can't really blame her, but until you know exactly what goes on in this wretched head of mine all day – you can't talk to me of stress.

            "I don't have stress." I lied with defiance.  Sometimes I think that's the only thing that keeps me sane – the knowledge that I can hide my insanity in the confines of my head.  I guess I shouldn't have said it so forcefully, though, because she was looking kind of uncomfortable.

            As her cheeks flushed red, I opened the door fully as to invite her in.  Stepping as far as possible from me, she bit her lip and smiled.  That sort of thing was a nervous habit she had acquired.  From where, I don't know.

            "Umm…Heero, why don't you get dressed?"

            I blinked.  

            "Why?"

            "Umm….you have a meeting with the President in two hours.  It takes forty-five minutes just to get there, so you have about an hour to get dressed.  Want me to wait out here?"  She asked, tucking stray blonde hair behind her ear.  It wasn't until she'd said that, that I had noticed she was dressed in one of her formal cerulean suits. There probably weren't enough curses to describe the way I was feeling at that moment.

            "I forgot."

            "Don't worry about it – just get dressed."

So I obeyed her ex-royal highness and turned to go back to my own room.  Then I realized I hadn't taken a shower.  That would take about fifteen minutes and then like ten just to dry the mass of a man I call my hair.  If God had meant for time to fly he would have given it wings.

I can remember codes, confidential papers, and other important stuff, but I can't even remember to offer the love of my life something to drink.  It was too late for that, though.  I'm sure she would rather have me show up for a presidential meeting than offer her some nine days old orange juice.  Even Maxwell had to cringe at the smell of our refrigerator.

Clearing my mind, like I usually do before I take a shower, I let my problems fade away.  They happened to come back every time I thought of the girl in the other room, but for the most part I felt at peace.  Which can be considered a big improvement from the last few hectic weeks.

"Heero, you have twenty-minutes." She called into my room.  So I was a little off schedule.  Hey, I'm the Perfect Soldier -- I can do anything.  

After pushing away pairs upon pairs of spandex, I came to a moth-ridden suit.  Not the best thing, but it'd have to do.  Besides, it wasn't like anyone but Relena and the President were going to see me.  At least, that's what I hoped.

"We really have to be going if we want to be at President Sanders.  There should be an influx of traffic on Fourth Street, so we'll have to take a detour around the Senate Building.  Heero!"

I ran out of my room in a flurry, determined to keep my cool.  Now that girl really had me worried – I was meeting President Sanders? As in the Mr. Eric Sanders? The one who I nearly killed.  Joy.

"I can't go." I said, coming to the quick realization that I would not be allowed to take the position on the grounds that I was an off-balance mass murderer.  A few people knew, not many, though.  It really wasn't a big thing.  Many people had done the unthinkable during the war and it was commonly acceptable that I'd killed countless people.  No one stopped me on the street asking if I had an automatic concealed beneath my coat.  But people went up to Relena to ask if she was a princess.  And in the words of the notorious Richard Nixon, "Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people."

"But Heero, you already promised to." She said, eyes widening as if a bad dream had come to haunt her.  Though, for the record, I will state that I promised nothing and was under no obligation whatsoever to even think of going.  But how could I deny that sorrowful face?

"I tried to kill Eric Sanders."

"Then I think we need to go and talk about it with him." She started.  I could hear the buzzing of her quick mind as she formulated some new plan to get me out of the mud this time.  "There, you will address him with the utmost amount of respect and be a grateful and changed man."

"And if I'm not a changed man?"

"Then there's nothing to worry about." She said, and grabbed her coat, "but we won't know unless we get there. Come on."

I followed her obediently.  It amazed me how she could change from a demanding, outgoing woman to a petite, polite girl.  Both sides of her personality were attractive, but I have to say that the control-freak was awfully appealing.  

 Pagan had been waiting in her limo for about an hour, and took quite some prodding to finally wake up.  I checked my watch, figuring that we would only have about an hour to get to the President's residence.  However, my internal clock was very much off – we only had about forty minutes to get there.  Pointing out my observation to Relena, she started spewing direction to Pagan, who nodded with the same enthusiasm as molasses.

"Before I forget, here's the invitation."  Said Relena, pulling me back to reality with the delicate touch of her fingertip on my arm.  In my face, was a cream-coloured envelope.  My name was written in a thin, curved script.  I made the assumption that it was for me, and took it.

"It's for the wedding." She added.  For some reason she sat back against her seat and looked at me expectantly.  _She's already planning our wedding? And I didn't even have to do anything…_

"Luce and Zechs want you to be there.  Especially since you're doing them such a favour." She said, tilting her head with involuntary flirtatiousness.   After a few seconds, I was able to restrain the quick paced beating of my heart and cease it from control my emotions.  "And it'd mean a lot if I knew that someone I trusted was there with me.  Once Zechs is married he's not really my big brother anymore.  It'll be different."

            Once again, I fell into the deep hole of despair and confusion.  That's how she thought of me – her big brother.  So just because Zechs was "leaving", she needed someone to take her place.  So she probably saw me and thought, 'well, he's skinny – we could be brother and sister.'  _I can't be a big brother – I don't want to be a big brother._ I liked being an only child – still do.  

            I wanted to be Relena's love, not her kin.  I wanted to protect her, but not be her protectorate.  I was _so_ close to actually telling her.  And that whole thing with fate throwing us together – wasn't this our destiny? So why did she have to go and mess it up?  Love.  That's the only thing I could think to blame at that moment.  Damn love.


	8. To Understand

Damn Love Chapter Eight 

            "Keep your back straight – it makes you look like you're interested.  And Heero, please don't grunt.  State your answers clearly and confidently.  Oh and whatever you do, don't glare – its very unbecoming." 

            If there was ever a time when I wished for a big fat role of duct tape, it would be then.  She just wouldn't stop correcting me.  Like I didn't know respectable manners or something.  Just because I don't act all prim and proper around her doesn't mean that I don't have a decent bone in my body.  Besides, being bossy is very unlady-like and very unbecoming.

            Relena shifted in her seat to face me and straightened my tie.  Not exactly romantic, but her words in the limo had given me new insight into our relationship.  I needed to be less chummy-chummy and more romantic.  Hey, it's possible.

            "Take deep breaths and you'll be fine." _I am fine! Stop harassing me!_

            I looked around the room for something to distract me from the nuisance of a woman fussing over me.  That was another problem – she was starting to act like the mother I never knew.  And while it might be nice to have someone to do my laundry, I really don't need a mother.  I need love.

            Happy now that I've admitted it? Unfortunately, Relena can't read minds (and if she can, I will be thoroughly mortified).  Otherwise, she'd know that I've harbored affection for her nearly four years and probably would have demanded I tell her the truth. Just one problem -- she can't handle the truth.

            "Mr, Yuy?" asked the man coming out of the President's office.  I stood immediately.  The man wasn't exactly what I remembered Sanders to be, but you know, people change.  Or so I thought.

            "President Sanders. I would like to say –"

            "I think you have made a minor misconception, Mr. Yuy.  I'm Robert Hamill, Executive Secretary to President Sanders."  He said with a cheesy, knowing smile.  How I would have liked to wipe that stupid grin off his face.  I could feel my hands ball into a fist and my scowl deepening with evident anger.  And then she has to go and ruin my moment.

            "Mr. Hamill, pleasure to see you again." commented Relena, standing up beside me.  She reached out to shake the secretary's hand, but he did not reciprocate her action.  He just looked back at me.  _Maybe there's more to this story._ However, this is not Relena's story – its mine. 

            "Mr. Yuy, the President wishes to see you now." He said with a slight sniff as he scaled the length of my clothing.  It was obvious that he didn't approve.  I couldn't care, but that guy was in for some serious retribution.

            Relena followed me, the light touch of her hand on the cuff of my shirt.  It felt good having her there – just to be there.  I didn't care that only five minutes before she'd been nagging me.  I mean, I tried to kill the guy I wanted a job from.  I was in need of some serious moral support.  Don't we all?

            "Mr. Yuy, I think you have made another small misconception.  Your secretary is not allowed in the President's office.  However, she can sit out here and wait for you."

            I was ready to blow my top by then.  It was obvious that he knew Relena – and obvious that he didn't want to say that he knew her.  But did he have to degrade her like that? No. That's about the time when the girl at my side tightened on my hand, interlacing her fingers with mine to create a full "holding hands" moment.  A _real _holding hands moment.  I wish I'd had a camera – Maxwell would have died.

            "But sir, I'm here to accompany Heero in his meeting.  Isn't there any way that I can sit in on the meeting?  I won't be any trouble at all."  Them damn pacifists – they think they can solve everything from diplomacy.  And what has diplomacy done for the world? Prevented a few wars? Well I'm sure guns have ended a lot more wars than negotiation.  But back to the matter at hand.

            "Miss, I believe you've made a little misconception here.  We're talking about the President of all the known worlds.  Do you know how big that is? Very, very big.  Now if you'll stop wasting time, Mr. Yuy has a meeting to attend."

            I could tell Relena was a bit taken aback, but she said nothing, so I just followed the bastard into the room he had already stepped into.  With a last, aggravated look at the love of my life, the thought that I may never see her again slowly sunk into my dense head.  After all, I'd tried to kill the guy.  Am I that much of an egotist that I didn't think he would return the favor? Yeah, pretty much.

            "Yuy? Heero Yuy?" 

            I wanted to scream that my real name wasn't Heero Yuy, but that would have been childish and impertinent – not to mention the guy had the codes to about a dozen different nuclear bombs.  

            "Mr. President." I said, trying to follow Relena's advice and pronouncing every syllable with great care.  _Does this guy even remember that I almost killed him? What he doesn't know, won't hurt him – and more importantly, won't hurt me._

            "You're a sick sonuvabitch thinking you can walk into my office like this."  Said Sanders, raising his large, pink arms in greeting.  Okay, so he might have remembered.

            But how do you answer to a remark like that? Did he expect me to start groveling for my life? Because I'd much rather go down in a flame of glory.  That pretty much explains my next few actions.

            "What the –" 

            "Scream and you die." Last minute changes were not always my specialty, but I can be pretty flexible when I want to.  So, instead of a large grand scheme to assassinate the President, I was going old school.

            "Hey! You're not allowed to have guns here! This is _my _house!"

            "Actually, your residence is exactly seventy-five feet away, and this is a government building.  So technically, since I belong to the government, its my building too."  And didn't the government give me the right to do whatever I like in the privacy of my own place?  That's one of the biggest problems with democracy – they're always loopholes.

            "I don't care who the hell the building belongs to! You're gonna kill me!"

            "That would be an precise phrase, but not an accurate one."

            "What in God's name is the difference? And what does it have to do with the gun you're pointing at my head?"  As the Commander in Chief of the National Army, you would think someone sent him to an English class at one time.  Since I've joined Relena's "team" and started advocating peace, my personal goal was the educate the world.  What better way than to start with the leader?

            "Well, a lot.  If I were to fire a round of precise shots then there is a chance that it wouldn't hit you.  However, if they were accurate, you'd be dead."

            "Well thanks for clearing that up."  More of that sarcasm.

            "You're welcome."

            See, I have this bad habit of underestimating people.  Like the time when Relena socked me in the nose – or the time that I gave Duo a jawbreaker.  How was I supposed to know that President Sanders was a third degree black belt? Okay, maybe the pictures of him beating the crap out of people all over the walls would be considered a indicator.  I guess I'm just becoming sloppy.

            With the thud of my body hitting the ground, and the searing pain of the contact between my stomach and his fist, I felt it necessary to have my life flash before my eyes.  Why is it that whenever I try to be normal, it never works? Well, this time was no exception.  All I saw was a blur of grey and black, but nothing special.  I wasn't exactly going to die in the most glorious way, but it'd have to do.

            "Hey, son, you got the job."  And maybe I'd die happy, too.

            "What?" I asked, and realized that I'd been through more than a fat man's fist.  Besides, now I had something to live for.  

            "We need more veterans and warmongers in this administration.  All them pansy pacifists.  Goddamn peace-loving freaks."  

            I was amazed, started, and in awe all at the same time.  Someone truly understood me! He knew exactly how I felt.  Sanders held out his hand to help me to my feet, but I was much too overwhelmed to take it.  Someone thought like me!

            "All you need to know, son, is that this peace and tranquility junk isn't for guys like us.  Just follow your heart – it'll lead you in the right direction." So it may have sounded like something straight from a Disney movie, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.  "And tell Ms. Relena that I'm approving her Plan to Concord."

            "But, why?"

            "Keeps the natives happy."

            "Oh."

            "Make something of yourself, kid.  And maybe you'll be sitting in the same chair I am someday." 

            "Mission Accepted."

            "Knock 'em dead, boy.  Literally."

            **A/N- **well, now we've met the President – sounds like a nice guy, huh? By no means do I intend to insult any pacifists in this story – I'm just trying to be in the mind of Heero. And what a twisted, strange one it is.   Oh and I started a Live Jouranl! Now, if only I could figure out how to use it…wells, wonderful time writing this – hope you are liking! And make a healthy decision today!

How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Then please review and let me know!


	9. To Anger

Damn Love 

**Chapter Nine **

When I exited the room, broad smile on my face, I could just feel the contentedness radiating from my face. But like all things in my life, it died very soon. There was that evil Hamill guy, trying to put the moves on Relena. Okay, I can deal with Maxwell and his craziness, but not some geeky freak who was just trying to insult my to-be-girlfriend. 

"What are you doing?" I asked, making sure to squint my eyes with exact meticulousness. You don't think this glare just appeared on my face, do you? If you did, then you are sorely mistaken. This treasured glare of mine is the product of many a night staring at myself in the mirror, looking for the perfect way to scrunch my nose and slit my eyes. These things take a great deal of patience.

"Nothing, Mr. Yuy." He answered casually.

I looked over at Relena for some type of explanation, but she seemed rather occupied with her non-existent shoelaces. She almost looked embarrassed.

"Let's go." I told Relena and reached for her arm. She just looked up at me. I realized then that her face was a bright, vibrant red, and that her body was in a tense state that could rival even mine. _I must be rubbing off on her_.

"Friday night?" Spoke Hamill.

I could tell the question wasn't being directed at me, so I didn't answer, but neither did Relena. I don't really have a problem with her dating other guys, but really, _him? _

Okay, so I do have a problem with it, but I'm just supposed to say that to make her feel like I understand her. It's in the Male Species Handbook. And you want to know the best part? It's got a 99.9% success rate. 

"Mr. Yuy, if you could excuse us a moment?"

I nodded slowly, trying to stare him into a coma. I had to remain calm. I walked to the other end of the room and took a magazine of the shelf. It was one of those stupid teen ones. I wondered if Relena read those. It seemed so senseless, and yet, I couldn't help feeling that, if Relena did in fact read them, I should cherish them beyond all my possessions. That is, except my gun.

And then I came to wonder what would happen if we got married. Would she make me throw out all my guns? Can you throw out guns? Would I do it for her? Probably not. She can't possibly expect that much of me – I might be perfect, but I do have a few faults – like being human.

I also have a bad habit of letting my mind run wild. That's one of the things that I love about Relena, she keeps me focused. It's nice to be "little-voice-in-my-head-free" once in a while. However, that was the least of my problems. At that moment, I heard a quiet, startled squeak. I knew immediately that it was Relena's squeak – believe me, she's the _only_ one who squeaks like that. I looked up just in time to see that freak retreating his hand from her gluteus maximus. That did **not** impress me.

"I think you've made a** big **misconception." I said before I smashed his face in. I think I'm going to use that phrase more often. Just the way I said it – all suave and stuff. Yeah, I'm a regular debonair.

My internal gloating only lasted a second. That was when I realized I was in for the lecture of my life. Relena's always hated when I do violent stuff in front of her. This could possibly have been considered a justification for anyone else, but when you secretly love an absolute pacifist, it's hard to justify anything.

"I'm glad you did that."

"Hn?"  


"Thank you."

"What?"

"If you hadn't punched him when you did, I would have." Now I would have paid good money to see _that._ I can't recall Relena hurting anything living on purpose (other than the time she slugged me – believe me, I practically asked for it). 

"I can't believe I was actually going to harm someone. Please forgive me, Heero." She beseeched. Why she apologized to me, I don't know. But I was willing to take anything I could get.

"Sure."

Sometimes I know I don't understand, sometimes I do. If I could just have a little stability, I'd be fine. But no, destiny's got it in for me. 

"Let's go home, Heero."

Home…home is where the heart is. _But wait! Who's home?_ Could this be the invitation I've been waiting for all my life? Could this be the moment I've only dreamed of? Could it?

"Pagan will drive you back to your apartment."

Okay, but I was close. If only I had just been like those jewelry commercials, you know, scream the fact that I love her to the entire world. If only I could. Why not? Why couldn't I? There was no real reason why I couldn't. Just a wall of pride and a half-decade of pretenses remained between the two of us. Why wasn't I willing to break them down? I honestly can't tell you.

"Heero….Heero?" she sang, waving her hand in front of my face, "Heero, you're cellphone is ringing." I guess I'd thought a little too hard. 

Needless to say, I fumbled bashfully for the damn contraption. One thing I hate is looking dumb in front of her. And yet, if happens nearly everyday.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU FIRE MY STAFF?!?!" bellowed the voice on the other end of the cellphone. I absolutely hate prank calls. They're a waste of my time and minutes – I should instate the death penalty for such absurd practices. And then I realized that it was actually Merquise on the other end.

"Speak louder, I can't hear you." My attempt at funny irony. I guess Zechs didn't get that I was using lame humor as a cover for my unintelligence in the matter of what he was screaming about, because he just continued to scream, only louder.

"WHY?

Relena seemed to know what the call was about because she – thankfully—took hold of the situation by grabbing the cellphone from my hand.

"Don't yell at him, Milliardo. _I _fired your stupid staff. Don't you raise your voice at me! You should be screaming at yourself for hiring them in the first place! They're lazy, inconsiderate and careless. Besides, technically, as of half an hour ago, they're not your staff anymore."

Way to tell him, Relena! If only I had that kind of guts. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that Zechs would kill me in less than a second, but would wait a whole five minutes before killing Relena. Four minutes and thirty-five seconds left.

"Fine. Good-bye." She said sternly and made to cancel the call. Only, she didn't. "Wait! Milliardo? Yes, Hannae is cooking your favorite, so be at my house by six. Love you, too."

How does she do that? How does she manage to infuriate and charm every man in a three-mile radius? But back to the real problem.

"What's wrong, Heero?"

"You didn't fire them, did you?" I asked, "They quit because of me."

"They were stupid anyways."

"Okay." I answered helplessly. 

I couldn't not feel like it was all my fault. Her life had been perfect before she met me – and then I came and ruined everything. How did she survive in this desolate, evil world with only a beautiful smile and a quick mind?

"Be ready by four."

"For what?"

"You're having dinner with me and my brother."

I love this woman --- I love her, I love her, I love her. Now if she would just stop coordinating my schedule, I might actually tell her someday.

**A/N-** Heys! A very strange, hard to follow chapter, but I'm exhausted from the last few days. I can't seem to sleep and the homework has been piling up. Thank God for exam exemptions. *phew!* I don't know what I'd do if I had to take _all_ of them. Hope you liked! I actually got inspiration for this chapter from the West Wing (awesome show – love Rob Lowe *cries* I still can't believe he's gone) and my afore mentioned friend, Katie, who finally got around to reading it! Loves yas! 


	10. To Teach

Damn Love Chapter Ten 

            So I arrived approximately ten minutes late.  You would think her love for me would overpower any of her needs to chastise me.  But no, I'm everyone's punching bag.  Just because she's having family problems doesn't justify what she did.

            "Heero! That's the fish fork!" and how am I supposed to know what a stupid fish fork looks like? And when am I going to ever use this kind of worthless information ever in my life?

            "Heero, my brother will be here in an hour.  If you don't know a fish fork from a salad fork, you could be at mortal peril." Okay, so she made a few good points.  I'm sure her brother wouldn't have hesitated to decapitate me over something as marginal as silverware.  

            I grunted in return, not fully wanting her to know that I was consenting to her game of "make-believe".  Though one could hardly say that the notion of twenty-five statesmen and politicians breathing down my neck and hanging on my every word was "make-believe".  

            Did I forget to mention that? Relena decided it would be "lovely" (her word – not mine) to have a little "coming-out" party.  I tried to tell her I wasn't gay, but she just laughed.  Does she really think I'm gay? If she does, then I should seriously correct her – perhaps that's the reason she's been acting like my mother.  

            Unfortunately, my darling love also invited my wonderful best friend, Duo Maxwell.  Who, by the way, didn't even get up to go to work this morning – even though Relena and I were not present at the office.  I'll make sure to dock his pay.

            "Heero? Heero…." Called Relena, waving her hand in front of my face.  I guess I spaced out a bit.  She sighed – I could tell she thought I was a lost cause.  I'm really not.  I just never knew that there were so many pieces of cutlery – or that I had to memorize them in an hour.  _The only way for me to gain her absolute trust is show her that I'm dependable.  I can do this…_

            "You look tired, Heero.  Why don't you just go home and rest? I can hold of the hordes for today."  With the promise I'd just made to myself fresh in my mind, I still thought of reconsidering.  I'd had quite a rough day.  The leader of my country had beaten me up, and then I beat up his secretary.  But somehow that just didn't even out.  

            "No.  I will stay."  Simple, easy – no need to really explain.  

            Her face brightened considerably and I felt pretty good.  You know, some people are right – doing nice stuff gives you are nice feeling in your stomach.  Or maybe it was all that wine she made me test (believe me, after two sips of fifteen different wines, that's about thirty sips.  Now, if there're approximately eighteen sips per glass…oh hell, I was pretty drunk).  I don't know, but it was very interesting. 

            It got me in such a mood that I did something very uncharacteristic of myself.  I'm seriously thinking I might have been drunk on that cabaret.  Not so good, after all.

            "Why don't we have a party of our own afterwards?"

            Once I'd said the words I immediately meant to take them back.  I don't think I've ever been so forward in my life.  Well, unless you count the times I told her I was going to kill her. That was pretty forward, too.

            And yet, both times, she just didn't take a hint.  Thank God.  

            "That such a great idea!" she exclaimed.  You know the many times I've said I was thoroughly confused – they don't even come close.  They don't even compare.  I have to say that at that moment, I was seriously rethinking the reason why I loved Relena (not that there really _is_ a reason, anyways). I don't think it'd be the same if I thought she was really that bold with men.  

            "We can just have the gang," I have to say that I was pretty stunned, but when she said "gang" my internal system was gagging to keep down the chuckles, "stay over after the political dinner, we can stay here and play games or something.  We're going to have so much fun! Heero, you're a genius."****

By that time the sweat was rolling off my forehead as I tried desperately to keep in the mass of chortles building up in my system.  I swallowed loudly, hoping she would be too excited to see me and my reddening face.  At least she thought I was a genius.  I'm sure that counts for a point or two.  

            Normally, I would have thought that this "point system" Duo had invented was stupid, but I was actually getting into it, even though I'm not going to admit it to him.  A little healthy competition isn't bad. Besides I like winning.

            "Heero are you alright?" she asked, eyes widening with worry.  Great, Mr. Smooth had succeeded in making her think I was dead.  I wonder if she'd love me more if she thought I was going to die.  Anything for a few points.

            She must have noticed my feverish looking face.  I immediately calmed down, slowing my breath and heart rate to an almost sleep-like state. Regulating your bodily functions has its good moments.  And no, I don't mean the fact that you never have to take Metamucil.  I mean, if you're ever in a tight jam, like say the government is giving you a lie-detector test, you just slow your heart to the normal rate and tell as many perjuries as you like.  The things you learn each day.

            "I'm fine."

            "Good." She said, beaming at me – making me feel totally guilty. Just then, the distant sound of a doorbell awakened my sleep-like state.  They were here.  _Someone save me!_ She looked over at me, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking, "Let the party begin!"

**            A/N-**yes, another filler chapter. Sorry I took so long in updating – I've been having computer trouble.  However, that means that I have the next few chapters ready, so I would expect an update within the week! Relena must be merited for her corniness, and so I conclude the tenth chapter (and NOT the last) of my beloved story! Love somebody today!

            How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Then please send a review and let me know!


	11. To Kiss

**Damn Love **

**Chapter Eleven**

> "Hand me some caviar, Heero?"
> 
> I'd been dutifully standing by the side of Noin for the last hour. She'd said she'd needed to speak with me, and urgently. However, due to the large amount of time I've spent handing her food and meeting new people, I'd say it wasn't really all that urgent.
> 
> Relena was in the middle of the room, laughing with Duo. I wished I could be there. I also wished I could shove some caviar down his throat. Considering all the tangents I go off onto, I have to say that I am extremely restrained. Perhaps that is the true reason why I just can't go up to Relena and scream the truth. I'm just too suppressed.
> 
> "Thank you, Mr. Zampese. I'll be sure to tell Milliardo." I have to say that I have a much greater understanding of Noin's life. I mean, if must be pretty hard to suck up to every single person that comes her way. If people weren't so dense, I'm sure they'd see that the second they left, her face twisted into a look of pain. But that's how you stay in business in this town. Make people think you actually _like_ them. No easy feat.
> 
> "Could you excuse me for a moment? I hope you enjoy the party." Said Noin to the group of people we were surrounded by. She signaled for me to follow, and I did. I wondered where she could possibly be going now. We'd shook hands, smiled, and looked entirely fake in front of nearly every person who'd walked through the door. Everyone but Relena, the only person I wanted to be with. Don't you just love fate's little ironies?
> 
> "Look at me." Okay, appearances are deceiving. "Stop vying for Relena."
> 
> "I don't vie."
> 
> "Then stop looking at her for thirty seconds, okay? I haven't had a night of peace with Milliardo for nearly three days. You know why? Because he's too worried about _you and Relena."_
> 
> Some people might feel bad for Noin, and don't get me wrong, I felt some sort of strange twinge. But I was much more into the fact that Milliardo hadn't gotten sleep in the last few days. Never tempt a desperate man, I was always told.
> 
> I didn't really have much time to think about it, though. Because Pagan was ringing this little bell that signified that dinner was ready. I felt like some sort of sheep following the master to get food.
> 
> I rushed out of that corner as fast as I could, even if I disliked the way in which I was being called to sustenance. Anything to get away from all these crazy people. I mean it. Even the people I thought were sane were just falling to the madness side of the spectrum. I had this creepy ominous feeling that I'd be next. Not an unfounded prediction, as it turns out.
> 
> Once seated, Relena began her little speech, "I would just like to thank all the people that came here tonight. Especially Heero. He's been such a great sport and I know that he'll make an amazing ambassador." She said, looking at me for the first time since the party had started. So she _had_ been thinking about me. It's nice to be thought about.
> 
> "So, bon appétit!" she exclaimed and immediately servers came around to ask whether we preferred beef or chicken. I just want to know what all the vegetarians out there are eating tonight. Maybe there were none. But isn't that considered one of the seven sins of hospitality? I'm serious, people actually make rules. They should just make it like they do in the army. Gruel and bread. Now that's what I call gourmet.
> 
> The second that the plate was placed on the table in front of the guy sitting beside me, he was deep into the dish. Ms. Manners would have died. I realize that its good to serve food on new white tablecloths and all, but if I knew that this guy was coming to my party, there's no way that I would set out the nice ones. Come to think of it, I probably just wouldn't invite him to my party.
> 
> So there was no real surprise when this guy started to cough while scarfing down his food. However, after a while, he stopped eating and stopped coughing. Actually, he stopped doing everything.
> 
> The dear, observant love of mine, Relena, was the first to notice this. I think she even gave me a bit of a look of reprove because I wasn't in the slightest concerned about him. She set down her fork, and raced as fast as standard feminine protocol allowed to the man's side. I guess he was kind of important since the whole table turned to stare.
> 
> I'm not much of a guy for the limelight, as you may have noticed, so I felt like ducking out back until all this stuff was done. But when Relena cried my name, all that "knight-in-shining-armor" stuff wouldn't let me leave without helping her first. I really wish I wasn't such a easy target.
> 
> "Heero! Heero he needs medical help!" I guess she was right, since the guy wasn't really breathing and all. People automatically assume that because I'm perfect, that I know everything. Well, sorry to burst their bubble, but sometimes a few things slip my mind. That doesn't mean I can't find out where you live and blow you up, though.
> 
> "Is he dead?"
> 
> "I don't think so."
> 
> "Can't help."
> 
> "And why not?!"
> 
> "I'm not good with live people."
> 
> She didn't really take my excuse, because she sighed in frustration and did the most of unlikely things ever. She rolled the guy off the chair, yelping at the surprise of a three-hundred something pounded guy flopping onto the floor.
> 
> Relena must have been a nurse in another life, because she went right to work, rolling him onto his back, then undoing his tie and opening his shirt.
> 
> "Heero you've got to help me! I don't know what to do!"
> 
> "Neither do I."
> 
> "You must know _something!"_

> Usually people just ask if there's a doctor in the house, but no, she had to rely totally on me.
> 
> "Just…check for a pulse." I finally said.
> 
> She smiled at me and put her hand on his neck. Then her smile dropped.
> 
> "I don't know…I can't feel anything."
> 
> "Try rescue breathing."
> 
> "What's that?"
> 
> "You put your mouth on his mouth. Breathe."
> 
> "I can't do that!"
> 
> And she thought I could? _Relena, as much as I love you, if you think I would do something like that, then you obviously don't know me._ Not that I didn't want to help the guy. I can't stand the sight of saliva. I can do blood and guts and gore. Just not saliva.
> 
> "I can't!"
> 
> "You can do anything!"
> 
> People always make this critical error. My areas of specialty range over anything where spit is not included. That and dresses. I don't do dresses either.
> 
> "No he can't."
> 
> Then my savior walked through the door. I can't believe I hadn't noticed that Zechs wasn't at the party. But he finally showed up. And with him, he brought the thing that would save my life, and my love. Oh, and that fat guy's life, too.
> 
> I guess I kind of have a respect for him. He didn't stop to say hello or greet anyone like some people do. He went straight to the man and turned to his redheaded assistant who was following right behind him, chewing her gum with the force of a SR-71 Blackbird.
> 
> "Man down. Call an ambulance." I think that girl was almost happy to get on her cell phone. Typical.
> 
> I guess in the heat of the situation, I hadn't been thinking very straight. Because I'm sure that I would have thought of slapping the guy on the back. Needless to say, it was a very strong slap on the back. I personally think he must have restarted the guy's heart or something. He just woke up. It was very strange.
> 
> When the ambulance arrived, most of the guests left. Can't really blame them. When a high political figure is almost killed at a party, I wouldn't really want to hang around. I almost didn't, either. But the sorrowful look on Relena's face said I shouldn't. I was feeling pretty guilty right about then.
> 
> "I…I just wanted this…to be a party for you…a good one…" she said. She is _so_ good at the whole guilt thing.
> 
> I decided that if Zechs saw his little half-sister crying at my expense, the consequences wouldn't be good ones. So I steered her into the salon that I remember sitting in with that weird cat. The cat wasn't there, though. I was actually hoping to have a rematch. But Relena was way more important than a little vendetta with the feline.
> 
> "I had…a…good time."
> 
> "No you didn't. You're just saying that to make me feel better."
> 
> "I don't lie."
> 
> "Heero…lately…I don't know…" she said, looking down at her hands, which she was wringing together nervously. "I thought that maybe we might…have a chance. But I don't know if I think so anymore."
> 
> I couldn't believe she was giving up on us. I couldn't believe she was just going to end it over something as stupid as a chicken bone stuck down some guy's throat. If it hadn't gotten stuck here, I'm sure I would have shoved it down. But I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking about all the times we'd almost given up. I was thinking of all those years we'd spent together – all that time. About four years of our lives. And I was going to let them let them go? I was going to let Relena go? Never.
> 
> So, I grabbed her shoulders and kissed her. I don't know how it felt, so don't ask me. I don't know the exact number of seconds I spent in a state of paralysis. But I do know that afterwards, I was happy. (I was also cowering inwardly from the amount of saliva we'd exchanged, but I wouldn't delve too deeply into that.)
> 
> "Hey guys! C'mon! Wufei's already had two beers! The party's started without you!" You can only guess that was Duo. I can honestly say that at that moment, I didn't want to decapitate him. I may have wanted to shut him up, but I didn't want to hurt him. That lasted about a minute.
> 
> "Heero?" she asked softly. I didn't quite know what to do. So I turned around like I was going to walk away. But my better self got hold of me.
> 
> "Wufei's had two beers." Yes, the art of unspoken words.
> 
> She smiled and I tried to. It was the closest I'd ever come – to smiling, and to her. And even though I was pretty content, my mind was still screaming in its suppressed way. I'd done the impossible, and yet I still hadn't attained what I wanted. I wanted more, but wasn't willing to take it. There are only two words to describe my predicament. Damn Love.

**A/N-**this chapter took like FOREVER! I just wrote a seven page paper on Emil Gilels and I'm still none the wiser. I think if I have to listen to Rachmaninov concerto one more time, I will die. I had a bit of fun with this chapter, though. I'm glad Heero finally got over his feelings of suppression and just let them out. sigh I'm a sucker for weird romance. Well, hope you liked!

How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Then please send me a review and let me know!

**PS-** I've actually posted another story, which, some of you more romantic people will like. It's very dramatic, and the writing style is a tad different, but I really love it. So if you would please check it out, I would be much appreciative!


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